The location – Warner Classical and Jazz Corporate Office, London 2007
Phil: Thanks for coming everyone. As you know this meeting has been called to discuss the first quarter releases. So what have you all got?
Debbie: I have some great Ray Charles reissues.
Phil: Great – they’ll sell like fucking hot cakes. What else?
John: I’ve got a new 18 year old cello protegé from Malaysia.
Phil: Sounds good. Is she fuckable?
John: Hell yeah!
Phil: What do you have Bill?
Bill: Well I’ve been reading the Wire and there are these two guys called Florian Hecker and Russell Haswell and they are into sound art and shit.
Phil: I’m listening …
Bill: See what they do is feed pictures into Xenakis’s UPIC machine to produce sound and music. It is totally off the charts! It sounds like electronic squelches and drones and stuff. It’s a total mind fuck.
Phil: It may be the amount of PCP I’ve just had but that sounds like an absolute winner.
Bill: They may not be fuckable but the sound totally fucks with your mind so same same if you get my meaning.
Phil: You had me at “may”.
Fast forward three months later
Phil: Bill can you come in here for a second.
Bil: Sure, what’s up?
Phil: You’re fired. Get out.
* I quite liked it by the way.